Wednesday, 17 January 2018

Self Love + Social Media

This post is a long one so grab a cuppa or run a bath and grab your phone or iPad and just have a little child time.
When it comes to confidence the media can seem to really interfere with how we feel about ourselves and at times it seems to promote unrealistic goals for us. This creates an impossible goal for teens and adults in general to be honest to aspire to be something that isn't actually authentic which can then lead to low self esteem even poor mental health especially with young teens and in particular, online. 
One thing that gets to me about the media (especially in womens magazines) is the fact they seem to think its okay to body shame fellow women. Its just plain wrong I understand if its become a health issue being too underweight or overweight then yes maybe someone should step in and talk but I'm talking about gaining or losing a couple of pounds. 
A couple of weeks ago, on the SAME front cover, a magazine shamed how a female celebrity had lost so much weight and was 'too skinny' but right next to it it shamed how another female celebrity had let herself go by 'piling on the pounds' what the hell are they playing at?! 
It is so confusing for young girls and I think as I've got older and now have nieces myself it does worry me what affect it could have on them. I would much rather they sink there teeth into quality books as teens/young women rather than some magazines that are around.
I thought I'd put a couple of things together to help in someway and see if any of you relate they may not be solutions straight away but small steps do make a huge difference and if you keep at it you will become much more confident.

Be You

You'd be surprised how many people suffer with being themselves. Self love is so important and it brings confidence. It attracts so much if you have confidence, if your constantly being hard on yourself and bringing yourself down it seems to attract negativity which can make us feel worse.
Try and remember you are you, nobody can compete or come close, it doesn't matter what you aren't or what you can't do its all about what you are, you might not be the smartest or the best at certain thing but you are you

''If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its life believing it is stupid''
- Albert Einstein 

Stop fretting or concentrating about what other people have and only compete with yourself you'll notice greater improvements. 
You could try making a list of all the positive things you are, make a list of all the things you love or enjoy and all your positive quirks. Like I said, only compete with you so, work on yourself like you would a project tweaking it until your happy if your too opinionated for your liking don't lose that trait but maybe only express your opinions when they're beneficial when it can be really helpful, if your quite negative or moan a lot then maybe try and make a list of the things your grateful for and appreciate things more and have a better understanding of other people. You don't have to change who you are at all but you can improve your qualities.

Don't Listen to Others 

I mean this within reason. Your family/friends are the ones who care the most (in most cases) so always take advice on board but you can still make up your own mind. When it comes to negative comments that aren't going to benefit you then simply ignore them. When I was really young if a friend didn't like my outfit I probably wouldn't wear it again which makes me want to kick myself and I would be so upset if I heard a young girl think that and what is worse is that it wasn't really their fault for not liking something but I made it an issue to me by taking away something I loved to wear which didn't effect them because they wouldn't have even noticed if I wore it again or not so I was only affecting myself by taking things away even if it was just an outfit, but why should I not wear something because of someone else? So if you feel like an absolute goddess in something please please don't let someone elses opinion stop you from doing it okay?!

I quickly learnt after that if I loved something I would embrace it and if I didn't like something thats okay too.
I remember being around year 5-6 and the school was having a harry potter day everybody chose which character to dress up as - except me. I was literally the only person in my year in normal clothes spending the entire day justifying why I hadn't read the books or watched the film. It was then that I realised I could've easily felt like part of the group and I could've so so easily made my friends happy by telling them I thought Hermoine was the ultimate queen but again I'm still thinking too much about other people and it would be like getting rid of my fave outfit all over again just because of opinions.
Fast Forward 15 years and I love HP now but I stuck to my guns with how I felt at the time haha.

Social Media and when to know to click 'Unfollow'

Social Media plays a huge part to low self esteem in teenagers in my opinion. When I was younger we had Bebo and Myspace shortly followed by Facebook. It seemed a lot safer back then and we didn't have filters and we didn't film our lives...well we did film ourselves miming to songs occasionally but we definitely didn't post them!
You couldn't even put photos online without getting a USB and transferring them to the laptop or computer, I know I sound really old but half of our phones in schools didn't even had a front camera for selfies - I know the horror!
Our social media was full of our friends to talk about the things we loved or to share stories about the weekend if we wasn't together. We didn't have instagram which I think is the main social media platform that kills peoples confidence we see all these beautifully sculpted insta famous babes that are slaying their makeup looks but when we put on that much of highlight the only thing it highlights are our breakouts!
I personally love instagram equally as much as I hate it. I'm quite a visual person and I love seeing peoples travel photos and pictures that inspire me, there are some profiles that inspire me body wise but I do try and keep them realistic by following people with a similar shape to me but in the past instagram has also left me feeling a little deflated and not so great about myself especially when I cannot re create a make up look that looks so flawless despite using all of the same products! the only way I've found to get rid of that feeling is to unfollow those pages to just enjoy them as they are instead whether they're authentic or not instead of trying to re create that false image. Don't feel bad for unfollowing if it is getting you down.

Don't let negativity make you negative

 Screw anyone that tries to put you down for no reason they clearly have their own issues to deal with unless its constructive criticism which we all need sometimes to help us grow but learn to appreciate that where you can. We all feel low sometimes, its human nature and at some stage all of us have to manage dealing with awful times but imagine if we were using those hard times to pick apart another person (which unfortunately some people do) the world would be much more hateful than it already is. You get people who go through absolute hell with family issues, work issues, relationship crisis' all sorts and they make sure they put something positive into the universe instead of being hateful which is a good way to be let karma take control and make sure your putting out good karma as often as possible and I promise you, you will feel better for it.
A while ago on Dragons den, there was a lady on there, she lost her son to a tragic accident which I can't even comprehend what she went through but she definitely didn't go online trolling people making them feel bad, no. She created a business to make other children happy! Which is amazing and I have so much respect for her, she had every right to hate the world but she didn't she still contributed into making the world that tiny bit happier for others.
So there really is no excuse to be horrible whatever lifes throwing at you switch it up and use it to make a positive difference! 

Remember Opinions Aren't Facts

It is SO easy to listen to others opinions we've all done it at some point but they really aren't facts so it really doesn't matter. If they have a negative opinion they aren't right but remember they won't think they are wrong either - which technically they aren't, so try and be the understanding one and realise there is no right or wrong here.
If your a bad singer will you stop singing if somebody thinks your bad? Well, you shouldn't. Sometimes if we get told we are bad at something we get embarrassed and won't do it anymore infront of that person especially. People are always going to judge you but they are either going to think your a fantastic singer or dancer or a bad one thats it, no biggie.
If you enjoy something do it and don't look for acceptance if somebody thinks your crap at it so what? If somebody thinks your amazing thats great. I think its easier to take on no opinions or all I have no in-between. If you take on all the good and none of the bad your ego will probably get a little big and you'll become a little bit....stuck up shall we say and if you take all the negative and no positive your going to feel bad about yourself but it depends on the individual, keep it balanced.

I personally like constructive criticism to help me up my game but rude comments I just let them fly over me. It takes a while to train yourself to think this way and to get thicker skinned but practice makes perfect and if you make little steps and keep at it then you will become a little more confident ... I hope :)

If this helps atleast one person a tiny bit then this post was hopefully worth it and I hope I can help girls not fret over social media so much.
Don't forget you can follow me on any social media platforms by clicking the follow buttons on the right side of the page or the bottom of the page if your using your phone.


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